Homecoming Day

Tomorrow marks 3 weeks since my husband came home from deployment. It's been a whirlwind of constant busyness, so I am just now getting to write about it. But here's a little bit about that day.

After 8 months of countdowns, that last week was surreal for me. I couldn't believe he was finally actually coming home. But I stayed busy. Moving. Unpacking. Grocery shopping. And clothes shopping for Scott.

The day before he came home, I decided I needed to make some signs. I decorated my chalkboard that I change about once a month. 

And, of course I needed a sign to hold for when he got there. I weighed a lot of options, and ended up going with words from our favorite song. I knew no one else would really get it, but HE would. And that's all that mattered.

I didn't know how much sleep I would be getting the night before he came home, but I think I managed to get a decent amount, and the first thing I thought when I opened my eyes that morning, "this is it! Today's the day!" 

He wasn't due to get to leave until 6-8pm that night though. So I was trying to find ways to kill time. I did some cleaning. And as usual for me, I hadn't picked out what I was going to wear, so I ended up going to the mall to try to find something. After trying on quite a few dresses, I finally just gave up. I ended up back home, trying on some dresses that I already had. 

And then...I got a pleasant surprise. Scott texted me and said that they were finished earlier than expected, so I should head to base at 3. (It happened to be about 2:15-2:30 at the time.) I very quickly just had to pick a dress, finish fixing my hair, and run out of the house. I had planned on getting more stuff done, but ran out of time, and him coming home earlier than expected was more than okay with me. 

So I raced to base. Meanwhile, Scott was texting me some...and by the time I finally made it to the area on base where they would be getting dismissed, I asked him if he was going to be ready to go when I got there. He said, pretty soon. And I think that's when it actually finally hit me that he was actually there and coming home with me. He then texted me as I was trying to find a place to park, that he was ready to go. 

They really hadn't made this homecoming a huge event. They like to romanticize these things in the movies and on TV, but they had stood in their formation and were released for the weeked. I walked up, scanning the crowd for him, but all I could see was a sea of camo. I texted him, asking where he was...and then ended up having to call him. 

I asked him where he was, and right about that time, I saw him turn around. I told him I saw him and then he saw me as well. We both hung up our phones. 

I left my sign in the car. I had considered getting a friend to come with me, so I could have pictures of the moment. But as fast as it all went, I was glad I had neither. 

His face absolutely lit up as he walked towards me. With the biggest smile on his face I can remember, the moment was nothing and everything that I had hoped for. We walked towards each other till I finally ran the last few steps into his arms. And as cliche as it may sound, everything was okay again. Those 8 months hadn't meant anything. 

I told him I wanted pictures, so he asked one of the guys to take a couple for us.

It's hard to explain, but I think we were both a little nervous as we drove home. Maybe anxious-excited would be the best way to describe it. But to me, it was like nothing had ever changed. Almost like he had never been gone. If anything, it was better than ever. 

We talked and talked. We held hands the whole drive home. And then he got to see our new house for the first time. (I'll share some pictures in my next post.)

And...he got to see our bear of a dog again.

(I decided halfway through to flip my phone, my bad.)

We've been busy with life and are in our "readjustment" phase. But, we made it! I couldn't be happier that he's home. 

Birthday Deployment Care Package

March 17th means a couple of special occasions in our household. One of Scott's favorite holidays, St. Patrick's Day. And more importantly, his birthday! I had big plans to send two care package this month, but things didn't go according to plan, so I was only able to send a birthday care package.

This year is his 24th birthday! And obviously, I wish I could be there or he could be here to celebrate, but this is one of the last big events we have to get through before he comes home. So that's super exciting and worth celebrating! But this box is all about his birthday! 

It's been hard figuring out good presents to send while he's on the ship. But, he's been working out pretty regularly and is interested in fitness and the like, so I thought maybe a FitBit would be a good idea for him. As well as some other small items such as things he just likes a lot, or goes with the birthday idea. And then maybe when he gets home we can get him a really good present...like the Jeep he wants! 

I came across a couple of things that I thought were perfect for Scott and really good ideas. One of which is a new cookie mix that Pillsbury started making. We love our snow cones and deployed military love their homemade goods, so I definitely made some of those. 

Blue Raspberry Snow Cone Cookies

Also, cake or cupcakes aren't typically things that mail well and last for weeks on end. But I had seen the idea of putting cake in a jar. Mine didn't turn out near as bright and pretty as these did, but I really wanted Scott to have some cake for his birthday! So it's a pretty brilliant concept that allows for that to happen! 

Cake in a Jar

(check out how they're made)

My birthday care package includes:

--1 pair Under Armor style compression shirt

--1 pair Under Armor style shorts

--1 pair athletic mesh shorts

--1 pair of boxers

--Men's Health magazine

--Men's Fitness magazine

--Fitbit

--3 pack of gum

--Peach Rings (his favorite candy!)

--Mio drink flavoring

--Beef Jerky

--Can of Silly String

--"Happy birthday" candles

--Spray can of icing

--3 cakes in a jar

--Blue Raspberry Snow Cone Cookies

Wishing a very happy birthday to my sweet husband half a world away!

Valentine's Day Care Package

The winter months are full of "gift giving" holidays for us. December means Christmas and my birthday; January is our anniversary. And February...

Valentine's Day! Now, I know the boys could probably care less about this so-called holiday, but let's face it. It's a really good excuse to send lots of candies, treats, and even cheesy cards to my sweetheart. He might catch a lot of flack for this very girly...and very PINK box. BUT! It's Valentine's Day. And I purposely made things to be shared, so who will really get the last laugh?

Once again, I found some great paper at none other than, Hobby Lobby. There is no mistaking what this care package says.

My favorite picture of us. From back when we first started dating.

My Valentine Care Package includes:

--Little Debbie's Be My Valentine Heart-shaped Cakes

--Vanilla Creme Peeps

--Hershey's Hugs and Kisses in a Valentine's Day tin

--10 bags of assorted candies (to share with his buddies)

         --Valentine's Day candy corn

           --Cherry Jelly Hearts

           --Conversation Hearts

           --Hershey's Hugs and Kisses

--Cheesy Man-approved Valentines

--Junior Mints with a wrapped Valentine

--Homemade Strawberry Cake Mix Cookies

--Strawberry Cheesecake Muddy Buddies (Chex Mix)

And, as always, a flash drive full of movies, music, pictures, and TV episodes.

                                 

Next month is March and I will have two occasions, both that occur on the same day, so it may call for two themed care packages. Stay tuned!

Anniversary Care Package

It has taken me longer than I had hoped, but I finally made another care package. Scott's Christmas care packages made it to him! But they were late. It took a MONTH for them to get there. No bueno.

We've made it through the biggest holidays of the year, but from Thanksgiving on, I have at least one big event or holiday of some sort to base the care package theme off of.

So what's in January, you ask? None other than our anniversary! This year we're celebrating our second wedding anniversary. Traditionally, the second anniversary gift is "cotton", but that's not much of a theme for a box, so I just went with blue. My favorite color is awesomely blue, or teal-ish, Scott's is navy. So I figured, why not?

In case you hadn't noticed, I'm kind of big on song lyrics. So this time around, I picked some pretty significant ones. 

Our favorite band is called The Spill Canvas. Our history with them goes way back to high school. Scott fell in love with me to the sounds of The Spill Canvas. So it's only fitting, that their lyrics played a huge role in me figuring out that I was going to marry Scott. 

Call it cheesy, but I had been really praying and trying to figure out if I was going to marry Scott. This wasn't too long after we had started dating, mind you, so I wasn't all that sure, but I kind of already knew. 

But one night, I woke up in the middle of the night. And all I could think of were these lyrics. They were blaring across my mind and I couldn't shake them. 

"While you were sleeping, I figured out everything...I was constructed for you, you were molded for me. Now I feel your name, coursing through my veins. You shine so bright it's insane, you put the sun to shame."

And when was that night, you ask? January 22, 2011. Exactly a year to the day before we got married. A fact that I failed to realize until about a week before we got married. How fitting that we had unknowingly planned the wedding for that day.

So without further ado, my anniversary care package:

This one isn't quite as hard to read, especially with the up close pictures, but I'll go ahead and caption them. I couldn't fit the entire part of the lyrics, but the most essential line is there.

Happy 2nd anniversary, babydoll!

I was constructed for you

You were molded for me

Mr & Mrs since Jan. 22, 2012

This care package didn't contain much of consequence. Just some random items for Scott to snack on.

The one thing that went into the box of any real significance is a series of letters I wrote for Scott. There was no real rhyme or reason to it. It just kind of became our love story, broken down into different big moments. Such as, our first date, the day he proposed, our wedding day, etc.

So a very happy anniversary to my sweetheart! Here's to 100 more!

Christmas Care Package: Part 2

Like I said in my previous post, I filled the first box but still had more to send and figured Christmas definitely warranted more than one box. 

This time, though I stuck with the standard Christmas colors and most items, but I wanted the box itself to represent the real reason we celebrate Christmas instead of just the commercialized version. 

I picked lyrics to another one of the very few Christmas songs I like. 

I Celebrate the Day by Relient K

It's not quite as difficult to read, but here are some close ups.

The first time that you opened your eyes did you realize that you would be my Savior?

The first breath that left your lips did you know that it would change this world forever?

I celebrate the day you were born to die so I could one day pray for you to save my life

This box included: 

--2 types of Christmas cookies in a Christmas pail

-- 2 spray bottles of Christmas icing (for Scott to decorate them himself, maybe more fun...also would not mail well decorated.)

-- 2 packages of cocoa mix 

-- 1 package mint flavored M&'s

-- Uno the card game 

-- Christmas socks (Scott is always wearing the girly ones)

-- 4 tubes of chapstick 

-- a 6 inch battery powered Christmas tree

-- a string of 50 Christmas lights (in case he wants to be festive and decorate his space on the ship, though I doubt he will.)
-- an Lifeproof case for iPhone
-- an iPhone 4 (to replace the one he lost)

And, per tradition, I had to include a hand drawn, goofy card. 

Here's hoping it gets to him in time and doesn't get dropped into the ocean! (yes, that has happened with an entire pallet of mail this deployment.)

Merry Christmas, y'all!

Christmas Care Package: Part 1

It should be no surprise what comes after the Thanksgiving care package. But, of course, Christmas!

Now, it was a lot simpler to find Christmas themed items than it was for fall/Thanksgiving! I ended up finding so many, in fact, that I sent TWO boxes. 

So this one is the first.

I found some great scrapbook paper at Hobby Lobby. The 12x12 paper happens to be almost the perfect size for the box flaps, if you cut them in half. The papers I picked out had a lot of writing on them, so while they were pretty, they unfortunately made the words I added to each flap hard to read.

Here is the box as a whole:

See? Hard to read from afar...but I snagged some close ups so you could get the whole idea.

The words are lyrics from one of my favorite Christmas songs...which is saying a lot, because generally, I HATE Christmas music!

Merry Christmas, Baby by Brighten.
(Give it a listen while you read on...)

Merry Christmas, baby

The only thing on my wishlist: maybe you could come back home to me 

(still hard to read in the picture, but looks better in real life, I promise)

'cause it's the season for us to be together again

I also found the stickers at Hobby Lobby in the scrapbook section. They all happened to be 50% off as well, so that was a bonus!

And after cutting out the words for the Thanksgiving care package by hand, I decided a Silhouette (think Cricut--or if you're not familiar with that, a cutting machine...they are crazy cool...but maybe I'll write more on that in another post) would be a good investment. So that made the lettering much quicker! 

Now for what I put inside. Part one of my Christmas care package includes:

-- a Hickory Farms Meat and Cheese box

-- a plastic candy cane filled with Sweet Tarts or something of the sort

-- a box of Christmas Nerds

-- a box of Christmas (candy) Dots

-- a box of Christmas Fun Dip

-- A Christmas tin (also from Hobby Lobby) filled with Swedish Fish and Sweet Tart flavored candy canes 

-- Phase 10 the card game

-- a large package of Beef Jerky

-- a large bag of gum

-- a Polo Assn watch

-- a small Stocking

-- a set of Christmas DVDs (Elf, A Christmas Story, and National Lampoon's Christmas vacation)

-- a bottle each of his shampoo, body wash, and deodorant (not pictured)

And two of my personal favorites:

I found a small stuffed animal on Amazon...which happened to be a Bernese Mountain Dog. That way he can have a mini Gatsby! 

I filled a flash drive with new movies, music, pictures of us and home. And books for Scott's Kindle, since he really doesn't have enough internet access to upload anything himself. I also put episodes of his favorite TV shows that are currently in season on there...obviously he wouldn't get to watch them otherwise.

But that's just part one. Part two is still to come! 

Thanksgiving Care Package

Sending at least one care package a month is on my Deployment bucket list. And while I didn't do so hot on making the first two very cute, I have met that goal so far. Since this one if for Thanksgiving, I took some time and actually decorated the box as well. I know Boys are boys and don't care how pretty the box is, but the real point was to send a little piece of Thanksgiving from home his way.

I wanted to send a Thanksgiving "meal" of sorts, but of course, Turkey and potatoes and pumpkin pie won't last or ship well. But I was able to find some boxed food and canned goods that are part of the stereotypical Thanksgiving day meal. I even included a couple of baked goods to top it off.

Here's what my Thanksgiving care package includes:

-- 2 Compleats microwavable meals
-- 1 cup of Mac & Cheese
-- 1 can sliced carrots
-- 1 can green beans
-- 1 can jellied cranberry sauce
-- 1 box sweet potatoes
-- 1 box turkey stuffing
-- Pumpkin muffins
-- Snickerdoodle cookies


And just a couple of non-Thanksgiving related bonus items that Scott will like.

I also like to make him a card, and I have started a "tradition" of drawing him some kind of picture on it. 

Hopefully he will at least enjoy the thought, even though I'm sure they will have a good meal prepared for them on the ship to celebrate. 

I'm thankful that even though we won't be able to spend Thanksgiving together, I can at least find a way to send a piece of "home" to him. 

For now, I will think of our first Thanksgiving together last year and look forward to spending it together next year!

Thank You For Being Strong

Now that we're a few months in and far enough removed from the day Scott left for deployment, I decided that it was something worth writing about. It's definitely a day that I draw from my memory often. 

Deployment day is also known as Zero Day. I'm not really sure where the term comes from. I even tried googling it to no avail. But if I had to guess, I'd say that it's called Zero Day because it's in the middle of two countdowns. You countdown (regretfully) to the day your loved one deploys. Taking stock of how much time you have left together. And then Zero Day, the dreaded day, comes. And then you begin another countdown. This time taking stock of how much more time you have to spend apart. 

As Zero Day approached for us, and I'm sure every other military family who has faced one, we didn't get to enjoy and appreciate our last weeks together. Between our different work schedules, at sea trainings Scott spent away from home, and all of the shopping and preparation that had to be done, the last week before deployment passed way too quickly. It snuck up on me. 

The day before deployment, there were these moments where my mind started to process and hold on to everything that was happening. Realizing...this will be the last time I get to snuggle with my husband, the last time I get to kiss him, the last time I get to sleep in the same bed as him for 8 or more months. I found myself starting to tear up at times, but I did everything I could to just enjoy and cherish those moments. 

We had to take all of Scott's things to his ship that night. That was the first time I had seen it. And as I sat beside the dock and watched the sunset, I remember wondering how something so beautiful could make me so sad.

When we woke up on Zero Day, there was still a lot to be done. We had to do some last minute shopping and packing. Scott had a meeting a couple of hours before they were set to leave. So I sat in the car on base waiting for him. Not really knowing that there were only a matter a minutes we were going to get to spend together for a while. Scott had told me that there was a chance that he would be able to get off the ship that night and I could come and see him one last time. When he came back to the car, he told me that he didn't think it was going to happen. And that was the first time it hit me. This is it. As you can imagine, I hadn't been prepared for that and I couldn't hold back the tears.

I remember Scott saying, "you've done so well so far." And I knew I had to suck it up and enjoy those moments. So we sat in the car for a couple of minutes before it was time to go. I'm not a pretty crier, and so as we got out of the car I knew everyone would be able to see my red and puffy eyes and know that I was already losing it. I saw another couple walking to the "send off" area, both wearing sunglasses...and I was able to joke with Scott, blaming him for not suggesting I wear some too! (Helpful tip to those who might have to go through a military send off....wear sunglasses!!!) But we grabbed his bag and went to where most of the other families already were. I met a couple of his "buddies" and their wives, and then we sat down for a little while. 

I remember sitting there and watching as other families sat with their loved ones. Knowing that they were in the exact same moment I was in, but feeling like they were all handling it much better. I felt like I was the only one having to remind myself to breathe and hold back the tears. I remember starting to feel like I had never been so ill-equipped to handle a moment...and I remember the dread that began to overwhelm me as I thought about having to stand there alone and wave that big white bus goodbye. 

The Lord was kind to me and one of the other guys stopped and told Scott that he had already sent his family off. That it was much easier for all of them that way. And that when the time came for him to get on that bus, there was nothing keeping him from being able to leave. We both thought that seemed like a really good (amazing, if you ask me!) idea, so Scott walked me back to the car. We only had a few more minutes until he had to get into formation, so we shared some far too brief last moments together and he shut my car door for me and walked away. I remember only being able to put my head in my hands and then see through the tears enough to put the car into reverse and then drive. I cried most of the drive home.

At that point, I knew I had two options. I could do what I should, and just try to occupy my mind and get things done. Or...I could do what I wanted to, and just go and lie in my bed and cry for the rest of the night.

Ultimately, I decided to take the high road. Which ended up being a good idea...

Scott ended up being wrong. He called me to let me know that I could come down to the ship and see him for a little while. He was afraid that it would toy with my emotions too much, having to say goodbye twice in one day....but he ended up letting me know. 

So we were able to share another hour and a half together, just sitting together and talking, something we hadn't gotten to do much of in the weeks leading up to that day. And I have to say, I think it was just what my heart needed. It was that little bit of closure that we needed. And such a sweet, sweet blessing to just be able to sit and enjoy our time together without having to worry about all of the things that still needed to get done. We said our final goodbyes, and I remember being able to smile and laugh and joke around. I was able to smile instead of cry as Scott walked back to his ship. But what I remember most were some of the final words Scott said to me as he was leaving. "Thank you for being strong." 

Never have such simple words held so much meaning. Those five words have carried me through what I call "bad deployment days." Those days where it takes everything you have to keep your head up. And I'd like to think that was Scott's way of telling me that he knew I was going to be okay. And that not having to worry about me being okay was going to make him okay, too. So that's what I hold onto. On those days when I feel like giving up or letting the misery have me for just a while, I think about this man, my hero of a Marine, thanking ME for being strong. And I, too, know I'm going to be okay. 

Everybody Knows that You'd Break Your Neck to Keep Your Chin Up

Long before the deployment began, I made a deal with myself that I would try to bear this time away from Scott with as much grace and dignity as I could. I didn't want people to hear me grumbling and complaining. I didn't want to make comments that made people feel sorry for me or at least, tried to get them to.

There is this somewhat unspoken rule that as the military spouse who's left waiting, it's obviously your job to hold down the home front. Not only does that mean you handle any trials that come by yourself, but you also keep them to yourself. Your other half is away and with the dangers of the job, they really don't need to be worrying about how things are going back home. So you wear a brave face. And you may mention something in passing, but you never let it seem like a big deal and you make it known that it's taken care of.

So that's what I've done. And for two months, I have felt fine. Of course I miss my husband. But I haven't let it get to me. I stay busy and I take one day at time. Knowing each day is one closer to the homecoming.

Eventually, the days start to wear on you. And not having an outlet for it means it just lies simmering under the surface. And that's when you have a "bad deployment day." Nothing necessarily even goes wrong on this day. You just wake up with this aching in your heart. The kind that makes it feel like the tiniest of pinpricks will send you over the edge. 

Today is one of those days for me. For the first time since Zero Day, I let myself cry a little over this deployment. 

And you know what....some days you just need it. I'm sure tomorrow I will go back to enduring this deployment with whatever strength and dignity I can muster. But some days, you break your neck just to keep your chin up.

Murphy's Law of Deployment: Lesson #1

There's a phenomenon, if you will, commonly experienced by spouses with deployed service members called "Murphy's Law of Deployment." Don't know Murphy? Allow me to introduce you. He's quite simple. His only rule is: "Anything that can go wrong, will."

And of course, when your other half is away...specifically, the other half that is known to take care of you know, the stereotypical problems handled by men (such as the mechanical, electrical, etc.) that's always the most opportune time for things to break.

I experienced my first run in with Murphy a couple of weeks ago. I have been moving Scott's truck among the "guest" parking spaces throughout the condo complex. We only have two assigned places to park, our garage and our specifically numbered spot. So with a roommate and 3 vehicles, of course the gas guzzling truck is the extra that just needs to be moved from time to time, because we can only park in the same guest spot for 3 days straight.

Anyway, I went to move Scott's truck a couple of weeks ago, and nothing happened. I couldn't even unlock the doors with the key fob. I put the key in the ignition, and it wouldn't let me turn it one bit. I figured it was just a dead battery, at least I was hoping as much. So I popped the hood. That's where problem number two came in.

I had tree branches in the way of my even getting to the middle to unlatch the hood. So after crawling under the branches, I had to strong arm the hood open past the branches. I probably looked like a bit of a maniac with my hair all crazy with leaves and twigs sticking out. But I was able to get it open.

I went and got my car, and luckily, because my dad had given us some when we hauled our car out here on the back of the Uhaul, I had jumper cables. What the picture doesn't show you though, is that there is a curb on and small grass area on the right side of the truck. And of course, the truck battery is on the right side. The parking spots next to the truck were open though, so I pulled the car beside the truck. Open the car hood, problem number three.....the car battery is on the LEFT side of the car. I tried to get the jumper cables to reach, but they wouldn't. But I was able to re-park the car diagonally, and just barely got the jumper cables connected to each respective battery.  

So as I'm trying to jump the truck, I see smoke starting coming out of the engine. Oh boy. Luckily, it was just due to bad positioning of the jumper cables. Apparently, electricity heats up metal and heated metal doesn't mix with the coating on the wiring in the vehicles. So I fixed that, and after a few minutes, went and started the truck.

I was feeling pretty relieved and somewhat proud of myself, until I went and tried to disconnect the jumper cables. I tried again and left them connected for about 20 minutes, trying to get the alternator to start doing its job, but the truck kept dying when I took the cables off. After about an hour and a half of messing with it, I was feeling frustrated and I really didn't need the truck for any reason, so I just decided to leave it be for now.

Skip ahead to yesterday, when I decided that calling a mechanic would be too pricey, and of course, after consulting with my dad, we both figured replacing a battery couldn't be that hard, so I might as well do it myself. So I went to Walmart, bought a battery and a ratchet set. It was too dark by then, so it had to wait until today.

Today, I got the battery and my little set of tools and went out to the truck. Having to repeat the whole process of getting the hood up through the tree again. It was surprisingly simple, and I didn't even have to consult with YouTube or Google. 

 Not that you can really see from the picture. But there is my dash, all lit up and working properly, truck running.

So thank you, Murphy, for teaching me that you really have no power. You don't scare me.

The whole minor set back was really a great lesson for me. As simple as it may have been to fix the battery, I never would have done something like that if Scott wasn't deployed. I am thankful for a God who made me independent and capable of keeping my head in uncomfortable situations. I am thankful that I had another vehicle so I wasn't late for work. And I'm thankful for being allowed to try something new (check!) and accomplish something such as getting my truck running, mostly on my own (thanks for the assist, Dad). Thank you Lord for making me much more capable than I knew and making me stronger through the process.

I'm sure there will be plenty more opportunities throughout this deployment for strength and growth. Who knew a truck that wouldn't start could be a blessing in disguise.